Seeking Help: Not so Easy


Caregivers are too overwhelmed to think about who or how to ask for help. And it’s frustrating. It is with a keen knowledge that many want to help but wait for me to ask. The trouble is when we talk, I think of the big things, and fail to think of how the little things make a difference — or if I could even trouble someone to help with what I really need. Let’s face it, most of us don’t want to do our own housecleaning or chores so we aren’t exactly looking for ways to help another.

My closest friends all live about 30 – 90 minutes away — if not farther. Family isn’t around either. If they were to stop by, I want to visit and share some fun times. And that is a gift for which I am most grateful. That’s fun, but afterwards, I am doing dishes and cleaning, and now behind on other chores. Some offer advice to help me fix the problem. Some blatantly state there are plenty of services available, but do nothing to help line anything up. Or warn me what not to do just after I did it. Sometimes I want to just scream: “I don’t need to be told what to do. Please no more medical guesswork! I don’t want to hear admonishments to take care of myself. I want some help so that I can!”

But I don’t.

However — I do have a solution. For those who wish to help us get through this debacle — you could donate to our paypal account so that I can hire someone to help or to give me some respite.

It may sound crazy, but getting Rick a motorized wheelchair is a primary need and the insurance company has now given 6 people 6 different answers as to how to get a chair. We have the prescription. We have a total run around from nearly everyone involved — and it’s been a month. He needs the mobility and frankly, if you saw me pushing him in the manual chair, you would be giving me that sideways smile of concern as you wonder if it is wise for me to push him up that little hill. We are both at risk of injury.

Anyway .. the little list of where we need immediate help?
Wheelchair and Accessories: $1700
Home Cleaning service: $150 – $300 (would love to have a full deep clean and then consider at least 2x a month)
Air Duct Cleaning $200
Windows Cleaned $200
Yard Work $250

All of that will make a HUGE Difference not only in the daily life but in helping us get closer to taking the next step.

Gift cards welcome, but paypal donations are easiest!

I am not the only caregiver stuck in the never never land of falling through all the cracks and getting no help.
If you care to, I welcome your donation.

In the long run, I am still working to create supportive coaching and guidance to specifically for caregivers. We need it. It’s not just the elderly than need help. And everywhere I turn there is someone offering help for the disabled or the elderly — but what is needed is help for the well spouse – the wife — the daughter — maybe the husband or son, who wants to spend quality time with their loved one but ends up too tired to just love them.

Most people think this only happens to aging adults just as they hit retirement age. When Rick first fell ill, he was in his mid 40’s. Planning for retirement is one thing — planning for this kind of catastrophe? I don’t think you can. Do you?

So if you feel compelled to help, we welcome your support. Once I get the disability stuff done, I will have lot’s of documentation that others can use too. For example, I bought a book that promised templates. They weren’t downloadable. I had to recreate them myself. The letters she provided? Again, not downloadable so that a user could just take it and change it. Had to rewrite it all myself. For the last two months, I’ve been engulfed in doing things that should be made EASY.